take this as a threat....or better yet as a promise

Bruce Banner says:

2007-05-23T18:35:07Z

Sci Fi Channel is playing old episodes of The Incredible Hulk.

Bruce Banner told some rodeo cowboy:

"Hey...rodeo clowns save lives...every day!"

And yes he was super intense and serious about it.

flatliner_00 @ 2007-02-21T13:54:00

2007-02-21T19:04:35Z

I was rummaging around my room and found this.

It's something I wrote a long time ago...but I don't remember exactly what for. I can tell I did it at my old job because of the paper it's on. I don't completely remember writing it though...which is why I find it even more interesting.

Sitting alone in quiet contemplation
Weighing one option against three others
Brain is always turning, churning, spinning, mulling
Over every little speck of every little idea
Second guessing every outcome
Mind racing out of control
Barely grasping every thought and emotion
Every fact and theory
Synapses firing across the gray mass
Trying to determine what the result will be
Imagination tearing everything apart
Studying every and all findings
Judgments that may change
A life
A habit
An opinion
Or nothing at all
The ideas never stop
No matter how monumental or minute
Always banging around inside the skull
Begging to run their course
No matter their merit

I honestly don't even remember if I was going to write more or what.
But I found it...and there it is. *Shrug*

I haven't updated for a hella long time...

2007-02-20T19:06:47Z

But I felt the need to post this.

Fuck you Carlos "Ned Holness" Mencia.

Yeah that's right...Ned Holness....dude is half German and half Honduran. He bugged me before just because he was always labeled as super offensive...and I just saw it as fucking annoying. Now I really don't like him because any of the jokes I found funny were probably stolen.

Joe Rogan calling out "Mencia"

More Rogan/Mencia (Open this with IE...doesn't seem to work with Mozilla.)

A longer video of a skit that Mencia stole

Joe Rogan Interview on Breuer Unleashed

Rogan's website

Article with more Rogan talking

Fuck you Carlos Menstealia.

Boycott his ass.

flatliner_00 @ 2006-10-28T19:49:00

2006-10-28T23:51:23Z

Why you wish you lived near me:

Tonight...B Movie night, w0rd!

flatliner_00 @ 2006-10-25T16:48:00

2006-10-25T20:53:26Z

Don't press the button!

4 Words.

2006-10-14T00:46:41Z

Fuck Snow In October.

Fun ways to fuck with people at work 101

2006-09-18T19:31:18Z

Ok so...here's the setup...

1. A horny old guy that make all sorts of vulgar comments concerning women and what they would do if they got this woman or that woman. (Quite a few here like that actually.)

2. They are all completely computer illiterate.

3. Now and then they either figure out or ask me to make a hot girl on the internet the wallpaper on the computer.

4. I made this their wallpaper.

5. Bring up Internet Explorer on google.com to cover it up and wait for someone to minimize.

6. Hear lots of "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK! SON OF A BITCH!"

7. Laugh to self.

flatliner_00 @ 2006-09-12T01:54:00

2006-09-12T06:04:52Z

Ok sooo...first off...this guy.

Yeah, that's like a 40ish year old guy wearing super baggy clothes...and to top it off his socks come up to meet the bottom of his "shorts" or whatever the fuck you want to call them.

Then some stuff I should put behind a cut because it is naughty...I couldn't believe this guy had this in his car.

Yes...a calendar....a calendar of...

...naked women.

Doesn't this guy ever transport kids or anyone of the opposite sex in his truck? If so do they not care?

And...

What the fuck is up with that girls boobies?!

It's not just me right? Those are fucked up?

flatliner_00 @ 2006-08-21T23:17:00

2006-08-22T04:21:36Z

Ok so...fun story time.

First off I work in the service department of a dealership. I wash the customer cars and bring them around to them. That is important to know.

There's this customer who has come in several times and has been a dick. He is old and ornery and probably has nothing better to do than bug me.

I would be busy and running all over the place and this guy would follow me around and complain and cuss at me. He has this thing about his whitewalls on his car and them getting cleaned. He also doesn't like to wait even if there were many people ahead of him. I have a problem with this, so we have gotten into it a few times.

Another important note is the fact that I have been stressed out for various reasons as of late and one of them is the fact that I am going to work 12 days in a fucking row. So I am easily irritable. And for those who aren't good at math...ornery old man dickhead annoying mother fucker + irritable yet still sweet Ben = face punching.

So I see him today and I think "Jesus christ I don't want to get into it...especially this week." And I start avoiding him as best I can.

He ends up going into a part of the building that I was walking through and as I was walking away with my back to him he says "Hey when you....hey!" And as the door shut behind me I heard "Is he hard of hearing or something?" That made my brain start thinking fun things. And I started laughing to myself and hatching a fun plan.

I took his car and parked it next to the wash bay area where I could spray his god forsaken white walls. Grabbed another car to wash while I waited for the other one to get open...and ran that through the car wash. This guy started hanging around the car wash waiting for me to get out. I drive out, park the car and dry it off.

After I had it all dried and started to walk I heard him again..."Hey!....HEY!...HEY YOU!" He was getting so loud that people around were getting confused if he was talking to them or not. I went up to the trashcan to throw the plastic and paper mats away and he came walking up to me.

Now at this point I was psyching myself up for what I wanted to do....to do it I could not laugh.

Unfortunately the story will lose some "oomf" here because you can't hear my voice, but he came up and started talking to me. I motioned for him to stop...and I acted like I was deaf.

Yes...that's right...and we are talking awesome voice and hand motions. Apparently I can act out deafness quite well...everyone said I sounded exactly like people they knew that were deaf. He looked at my kind of funny and proceeded to yell right at my face so I could hear him. I don't even know how many times I made him repeat himself. The guy must have either forgotten or didn't recognize me because he hardcore bought it.

And I understand that some of you might be offended...but I so avoided any kind of conflict and had fun doing it. I lightened up my week a ton to boot. The guy was way too busy trying to get me to understand him to go about demanding things like an ass. And not to mention since I did the "I have always been deaf" voice, I think he even felt a little sympathetic.

Score one for Ben!

Saw this on someone elses...

2006-08-20T00:43:07Z

Results
Based on your answers to the above questions, your current life expectancy is 65 years. If you're not happy with the result, consider that by adopting a healthier lifestyle and avoiding various risk factors, you can increase your life expectancy by up to 15 years.

Your "ideal" weight for maximum longevity is: 167 lbs.

The three biggest positive factors that you have going for you are:
1. Personality type
2. Drinking
3. Weight

The three biggest negative factors that you have going for you are:
1. Family health
2. Gender
3. Diet

Ok guys....who knows a good plastic surgeon? I need to switch genders stat! It will add 15 years! =D

flatliner_00 @ 2006-08-05T02:51:00

2006-08-05T07:02:02Z

"Hey, Ben, why do you think the place you work is full of morons? Can you give us an example?"

Well yeah ok I guess...one thing is this sign that's posted up on the wall.

In case you didn't notice...it says "dorr" instead of "door". I really hope you noticed.

flatliner_00 @ 2006-06-22T18:30:00

2006-06-22T22:41:38Z

So...tomorrow I will be going to North Carolina, Outer Banks and will be there for the whole next week.

My friend's brother couldn't go with his family...so since I am pretty much family I got asked.

It was extremely short notice, but I was all for it. Pretty much completely free besides the gas in my car. So...F yeah I'm going.

My boss didn't seem too pissed when I asked for the whole next week off either. =P

flatliner_00 @ 2006-06-20T19:14:00

2006-06-20T23:17:40Z

Ok...my friend made this and told me "You are one of the only people I know that will appreciate this...everyone else thinks I'm sick."

Oh god yes...I laughed so damn hard.

http://gmanstalksbarney.ytmnd.com/

Probably helps if you've played Half-Life.

flatliner_00 @ 2006-05-30T00:08:00

2006-05-30T04:11:07Z

Wow...

I log on to aim and someone said "Just 15 minutes until your birthday!"

I completely forgot about my birthday.

Wow...

flatliner_00 @ 2006-05-24T23:20:00

2006-05-25T03:28:30Z

So today at work someone had their Ipod hooked up to the radio and Michael Jackson was playing....back when he was good.....before the whole white child molesting woman thing.

And I decided it would be funny if when someone was pissed they started doing Mike's bad ass moves.

Like:

The Leg Snap
The Finger Twiddle
The Bad Ass Lip Curl/Sneer Thing
The Crotch Grab (With Optional Yell)
The Moonwalk (Obviously)

So every once in a while I would walk past the guy with the Ipod and say

"Oh you mother fucker!" *Leg Snap* *Finger Twiddle*

Others were confused and/or scared...but he got it...that's all that matters.

flatliner_00 @ 2006-05-18T22:46:00

2006-05-19T03:00:41Z

I know I should update more than I do. I just don't get around to it.

But for now I have these fun things from work.

In case you can't read this it says:

That's not dirt in my car...it's angel dust!

Wow.

Also today...someone I work with came up to me and said:

"What's up slut!"
I looked at him and just asked "...what?"
"You know...because it rhymes."
"....Yeah like 'What's going on cockbag!' rhymes?"
"No...like...What's up slu............shut up."

That's all I got for now. =P

Dr. Steel's Mission - The Warning Labels

2006-04-05T03:17:38Z

The Mission:

To infiltrate our local stores, then find and mark the appropriate products as we saw fit with supplied labels.

(Some of the pictures came out blurry due to me trying to move fast to take pictures before people noticed what we were doing.)

The Soldiers:

First we have...myself. Ben.

I was the first of the bunch to come across Dr. Steel. I then introduced the other two members of the party.

My sister. Taylor.

And my cousin. Cody.

Me again...toy soldier...representin'

And us as a final shot before we departed.

Our ammo:

The stickers read:

"ATTENTION! This product has not been approved by Dr. Steel and has been cued for destruction once world domination is achieved. Message courtesy of your local toy soldier division."

and

"NOTICE: Continued use of this product will help distract you from the fact that you are being manipulated by the alien illuminati. Message courtesy of your local toy soldier division."

So the way I saw it, if we disliked the product...it got the "attention" label...if it was something that could be used to distract someone...then it gets the "notice" label.

Commence mission:

Our first target......Target. Fun no?

We entered and found some products that would have been suitable for labeling. Unfortunately I then noticed that we were being followed by an employee, who I'm assuming thought we were there to steal. So we didn't get to label anything or take pictures, but we sure as hell lead him all over the store for our own amusement. We will return here and get our labely vengeance in one form or another.

Disheartened we traveled down the road. I then spotted our second target.

Walgreens!

First and foremost...I feel the need to bring this product to the attention of Dr. Steel.

I think many good things could come of this product. I know you have a similar robot plan...where you have helper robots and they tap into the bank accounts at night. That made me think...why not just bypass all of that and make robot piggie banks! When a certain dollar amount has been reached they will return to your lair. Just a thought.

So the first product we labeled, a giant flying disc. Flying through the air and brightly colored...a perfect product to distract you.

As we walked along I saw a loveable character with a household name.

Yes, Mickey Mouse. He had to be labeled. When you say his name you think of the song that spells his name. I don't see how this creation couldn't be some sort of brainwashing. I had to notify all of the sleepers.

The next product...

It is a toy Escalade with "dubs", buttons on the top and a giant speaker set in the back. You are suppose to hit the buttons on the top and make different musical sounds. I don't think I need to tell you what kind of musical sounds. When music is played the speakers bounce and make a lot of noise. This has to be destroyed.

After we left Walgreens we headed to our third and final target. Meijers. If you don't have one in your area, it is basically like a 24/7 Walmart.

The first thing I noticed was a book.

It looked too much like pedophile propaganda. Cued for destruction.

Kid Rock...nuff said.

His time will come.

This image pretty much speaks for itself.

Karaoke should hardly exist at all...let alone outside of bars full of drunken people.

These should not be.

For much the same reason the little toy Escalade was targeted...so were these.

Cheap ass bling bling rim covers. I don't see how anyone could let these exist.

Bratz? No.

Not that I have anything against fishes, but you can find yourself watching them for long periods of time. Great distraction tools.

Taylor targeted this one for destruction because she is quite displeased by the misuse and overuse of words like "angel" and "princess".

Ah...TV's...the ultimate product of distraction.

We had to make sure to get them all.

The Xbox 360. Quite an entertaining device. But also used...to distract? I think so.

What can I say...we love our old school bouncy balls.

This is my tribute to Family Guy. Do you know what episode it is from?

This pony displeased me. It was not as entertaining as I was lead to believe. Plus it is pink.

It has been cued.

Mission accomplished.

We packed up and went home...happy with what we have done.

The man who gave us the mission:

Dr. Steel

http://www.doctorsteel.com

http://www.myspace.com/drsteel

flatliner_00 @ 2006-03-29T13:15:00

2006-03-29T18:16:11Z

Check these out.

Candy necklaces gone wrong

And...

Underwear shirts?

...wow.

flatliner_00 @ 2006-03-28T13:03:00

2006-03-28T18:13:39Z

I feel the need to update with something.

Well first off work is pissing me off again. Just found out today that for 3 weeks now they have been altering my time-clock (and no...they aren't giving me more hours). So I'm pissed about that. I am going to try to solve it peacefully first...then I will call wage and labor. The absolute last resort is the one where I come in with weaponry of some sort and start slaughtering people. As much as I feel the need to do that I know I shouldn't. =P

More later I suppose.

flatliner_00 @ 2006-03-13T01:06:00

2006-03-13T06:08:31Z

Some pictures I took of lisence plates that I found amusing.

Only thing that popped into my head when I saw this was..."Ta Daaaaaa! It's Jesus!"

And this....

...yeah wow.

eh.....

2006-02-18T16:31:52Z

So I'm a dork and get a word of the day from dictionary.com........but

Word of the Day for Friday February 17, 2006

imbue \im-BYOO\, transitive verb:
1. To tinge or dye deeply; to cause to absorb thoroughly; as,
"clothes thoroughly imbued with black."
2. To instill profoundly; to cause to become impressed or
penetrated.

....now I know never ever let anyone imbue you in any way. Unless you really want them to of course.

And knowing is half the battle!

trying to come up with something to post...sooooo

2006-02-18T00:43:35Z

I am bored...and I got my haircut....so I will show you all

I haven't gotten it cut in a long time so it's long and shaggy looking.

Before:

And now that I've gotten it all cuttified...

After:

I liked it long and all...it was just bugging me. I'll let it grow out again of course. =P

.........That is all!

flatliner_00 @ 2006-02-15T19:25:00

2006-02-16T00:35:02Z

all right....here is the main impact point for both accidents

this one was the first one....it had other damage alone the side because the guy was probably drunk and kept playing "let's see how many times i can skip my ranger off the mustang before i lose my wheel".....it looked like 3

and here is the second one...this accident didn't have the bouncing off my car that the first one did....but the guy pushed my car about 3 feet into the neighbors yard (i park in front of my neighbor's house)

yes we found out who it was...he confessed....was the son of someone who lived on my street

so it's in the shop....again...ah well at least it's all taken care of

flatliner_00 @ 2006-02-06T22:20:00

2006-02-07T03:27:53Z

i haven't updated in heeepum long time...

so uh new stuff....my car was hit again...in the same spot

now how are you all? =P

flatliner_00 @ 2005-09-26T00:12:00

2005-09-26T05:08:21Z

iiiiiii haven't updated in a long long time

and there is waaaaaaaaayyyyyy too much to cover

but since i didn't talk about it at all...i had a blast in seattle

it was fun just hanging out with the people there, like my friends and i hang out here

i think some of the most enjoyable moments were when we w

then when i came back i went through a depressed period...which i am still kind of working through....and is also one of the reasons i haven't updated for a while

the newest thing i'm dealing with is my car getting hit by some fucktard and messing it up pretty bad ($4,300 worth of damage)

aaaaand i will probably go into detail with both of those things some other time

for now i am tired

so...tata for now